April 2009- I remember the first day it all started. Micah was down for a nap, I flipped on the tv and just wanted to relax on the couch. But my body was not having it! I sat there and became so restless, i felt like everything was going black, my heart was pounding, felt confused and my breathing became shallow and a deep breath was no where to be found. These helpless feelings continued for weeks and eventually started hitting me at night. Most of the time I felt anxious, horrified, overwhelmed, irritable, confused, exhausted, sad, depressed.. soo many emotions and I felt I had lost total complete control over my body and mind...There were a few days where I remember thinking, I'm going to die today, this feeling has to be what people feel right before they just collapse and stop breathing..... Long story short, after about 10-12 visits to my dr and an ER visit, my actual Dr. not just the Physicians assistant looked at me and when she saw me in the state of mind I was in, she knew immediately I was having panic attacks. This is where it gets yuck. So, how do they control panic attacks?? Like any other illness or disorder, their answer is medication....... I absolutly love my Dr. Vails, she was very assuring to me that I was not going crazy, that I was going to get better and this was not the end for me! I can't say I'm 100% because most days I find myself reaching for at least one pill. I feel much better than I did, but i feel anxiety creeping up alot still. I'm trying my best to take it to God instead of my pill bottle, but thats difficult when that evil orange bottle holds a very quick "fix" and in all honesty it's an easy fix too. So, the sick part of me says, awww yes, pop that pill and everything looks good.... but I have this person in my life called a HUSBAND and he knows alot:) He is everything I'm not, I wish I could have a little of his strength, out look on life, ability to just put one foot in front of the other and trust we will be okay....... and then I have these God sent people called FAMILY & FRIENDS...who want the very best for me and have been amazingly supportive in my good and bad moments and picked me up many many times. I'm done with this season, I'm ready to punch anxiety and panic attacks in its throat.. (quote my good friend Cory) I'm out!!! It's time for rehab. Rehab created for me by me:) Many changes are coming with my eating habits, vitamin intake, etc. however I believe these top 4 are crucial and will jumpstart my heart, mind and body.
1. Quiet time- God says... Draw near to Him and He will draw near to us. That's what I'm going to do, I know it's simple, but I have never clinged to God with all my strength and not let go no matter what.
2. Golds Gym- Yeah I'm back in a real gym and these trainers are no joke. It's amazing to me what a hour of cardio, whether it's kickbox, zumba, or step does for my mind. Throw pilates in there where I am focusing on correct breathing and learning body awareness and I am starting to feel alive again.
3. Dr. Lee an acupuncturist is about to become my best friend..:))) I heard about him from Samantha, owner of Blue Tangerine Spa,,, He came here from China 20+ years ago to practice and seems to be very successful. We also will discuss some herbs that can assist in my coming off medication. Very excited!!! My first appointment is Monday, I will let you know how that goes:)
4. Blue Tangerine Spa-I got this very cool opportunity to start working for this spa right after Christmas. I get to play mrs. secretary everyday and I really love it. Samantha is the owner and genuinely super sweet! I get to receive facials every 3-4 weeks,, what's NOT TO LOVE about that????? So anyhow, Samantha is being very supportive and helpful as I begin this rehab journey and offered to do some detox wraps for me. I'm a little afraid my body is about to not know what is about to hit it!!!!!
1. Quiet time- God says... Draw near to Him and He will draw near to us. That's what I'm going to do, I know it's simple, but I have never clinged to God with all my strength and not let go no matter what.
2. Golds Gym- Yeah I'm back in a real gym and these trainers are no joke. It's amazing to me what a hour of cardio, whether it's kickbox, zumba, or step does for my mind. Throw pilates in there where I am focusing on correct breathing and learning body awareness and I am starting to feel alive again.
3. Dr. Lee an acupuncturist is about to become my best friend..:))) I heard about him from Samantha, owner of Blue Tangerine Spa,,, He came here from China 20+ years ago to practice and seems to be very successful. We also will discuss some herbs that can assist in my coming off medication. Very excited!!! My first appointment is Monday, I will let you know how that goes:)
4. Blue Tangerine Spa-I got this very cool opportunity to start working for this spa right after Christmas. I get to play mrs. secretary everyday and I really love it. Samantha is the owner and genuinely super sweet! I get to receive facials every 3-4 weeks,, what's NOT TO LOVE about that????? So anyhow, Samantha is being very supportive and helpful as I begin this rehab journey and offered to do some detox wraps for me. I'm a little afraid my body is about to not know what is about to hit it!!!!!
My goal is by June 1st. I would love to hear any advice from anybody who has walked this road. Also, prayers would be great too.. Just tell God, I'm the one attached to his leg holding on and not letting go:)))
Keep us posted on the herbal remedies...Eric uses Kava Kava occasionally. He said Yoga class is awesome for his anxiety too (he took a class when we were in college).
ReplyDeleteFor him it comes and goes, and sometimes there is nothing bad going on, but his body acts out anyway. Time has provided us with information, and lots of practice and he is so much better than he was before :).
You inspire me girl, I know it isn't easy!! Rock on!
Hey Jada, This is Tracy (Cory's cousin) I hope you don't mind me posting a comment. I saw the blog link from Ryans FB page.
ReplyDeleteI spent a few years on anti-depressants and anti anxiety-medicine. I had very bad anxiety, depression and panic attacks for a long time and went through a ton of meditation classes and stuff, but none of it worked. I got on the medicine and it helped a lot, but you have to sacrifice half of your personality for it. It's weird, but even now that I've been off of it for years, I still feel their effects.
I'm not trying to knock medication. Some people need it and it really helps their life, but if you can do with out it, you're better off. Just remember to rely on the strength of others when offered. You don't have to do it alone. It helps the most to just have someone to hold onto when it gets dark.
Hope you don't mind me butting in...